Montana Women's Retreat 2026

 This Women's Retreat was different from the ones in the past but it was so worthwhile. The theme of the weekend was "Rooted and Renewed" and I was so happy to share this experience with Andrea again.

 REALLY needed to reset.

Earlier in the week, Bettina completely broke down. From the moment she walked into the classroom she was fuming... at me. Before the kids even fully entered the classroom, she started lashing out at me, accusing me of talking about her, saying she couldn't trust me, saying I just show up not ready to work and do whatever I want. She said she didn't see this working all year. 

I was stunned. I had NO idea what she was talking about or why she would say such hurtful things to me. I just stared at her with a dumb smile on my face and she even said, "STOP SMILING!" I told her I was trying to stay calm in front of the kids. Clearly, I didn't do anything wrong and Bettina is struggling in her first year as a full time kindergarten teacher. Because she is insecure and chaotic, she was trying to pin me as the scapegoat. I'm proud of myself for staying calm and being kind but it took a lot out of me. A little later, she sat me down and said she was mad that I was "talking about her." The other kinder paras had been texting the night before about an upcoming non student day and whether or not we needed to be there. I said I was going to work that day and help Bettina prep because the principal (according to Bettina) wanted us to be doing less prep work and be more hands on with the kids. Apparently, whatever one of the paras asked Bettina what the principal said and was concerned about coming in on the non student day and Bettina assumed I was gossiping. I told her all I want is for her to be successful, that I love her and she can trust me. She started sobbing uncontrollably (in front of the kids) and I had to hug her to get her to calm down. It was CRAZY. She apologized later but the damage was done. I was done. 

I was devastated. I have been trying so hard to support my friend and she threw it all in my face based on a lie. That night, I received a text from a member in Provo who'd had a visit from Parker and his new companion and it made me feel soooo good! This woman completely followed a prompting to share that picture and a sweet message about Parker with me because I really needed to hear and see it! Parker is my right hand man and he would have been able to comfort me and give me great advice. I know it's selfish, but I missed Parker more then than I ever have becuase I NEEDED him!

The next day, we had a sub so I had a little break from Bettina but the next day she spent the whole day saying my name wrong. Do I think she was doing it on purpose? Yes. But that night, I received ANOTHER sweet text from ANOTHER sweet member who also happens to do MCO in Provo and I'm so thankful for these obedient and loving members who not only love my son and support him as a missionary, but who reached out to me in love and kindness when I needed it most. They are truly the Lord's hands. 

To say I was ready and excited for this Women's Retreat is an understatement. I dropped the kids off at school, packed my bag, and drove to Vegas to pick up Andrea and get to the airport. We decided to do the first retreat because I was feeling so sad about how things were going with Jill and my "friends". At that retreat, I was reminded that I AM A GOOD FRIEND. I healed. The second retreat was so different and so good. I grew and set boundaries and left feeling more confident with a plan to focus on my family. This retreat I wanted to cry. I wanted to feel vulnerable and soft. I feel like I hold it all together for everyone all the time. Especially now. I'm holding space for Tanner as he navigates this new job venture. I'm holding space for my mom and my dad as my dad undergoes uncertainty with his brain and medical tests and procedures. I'm holding space for Parker as a missionary. And I'm holding space for Shelley who's birth dad unexpectedly passed away and she's not ready to talk to me. I also hold space for Angel who's fragile and always struggling mentally. So, I was feeling drained and I came ready to be filled up.

We ate a comforting meal of tomato soup and homemade bread when we arrived in Montana after taking a beautiful walk during sunset and getting to know each other a little bit. Andrea and I shared a room and the next morning, we got up ready to work. I could barely hold back the tears. I was ready to let go and let the healing begin. Straight out the gate I worked with an energy healing. This was something new to this year. We didn't have Misty guiding our therapy. This time, we had energy workers! I met with TC and she was so kind. I cried and I dumped on her all that I was going through and how I was feeling. She said my energy was stuck in my throat. I had a bright brilliant light trying to come out but it was stuck. She told me to trust my voice. That I am kind and positive and that my voice reflects that. I shouldn't worry that when I use my voice (like, when someone says my name wrong and I need to correct them), I will offend people. Trust that my voice brings joy and happiness. Next, she laid out cards to read for me and I had to stop her because I felt my grandmas so close! They were standing behind me, looking over my shoulder, anxiously awaiting what the cards would say. They were giddy and giggling and saying they would have NEVER done anything like this in their lifetime and they were so proud of me for doing new and adventurous things to recharge and stay true to myself. I love them so much and it's not the first time I felt them close like that. I. know the veil is thin and I'm thankful for such beautiful angels watching over me. She read my cards and I had 2 that dealt with being in nature which was fitting because we were in Montana and I've been on a journey to take the kids to National Parks this year! One card said to let go of scarcity which is a lesson I learned at the last retreat and I'm still working on. Believe in abundance! One card said to stay calm during drama. CHECK! And one card said to stay positive- that big miracles are coming and not to give up 5 minutes before they arrive. Keep up the hopes and dreams, visualizations and affirmations. It's crazy because Tanner and I JUST made vision boards! My time with TC really did clear my energy and I felt so much better after meeting with her. 

I took some time to journal and then I had the most relaxing massage- it was awesome. After that I was starving so I chowed some yummy lunch time food. We met all together to discuss the progress we'd made that day and connect. After that, we cold plunged in the lake and sat in the sauna and did that a couple times before showering and getting ready for dinner. We were fed like royalty and it was so nice having meals prepared for us and we didn't even have to do the dishes! That night, we sat around the fire and I saw a shooting star. Shooting stars are my favorite and I knew it was a sign from God that good things are coming our way. 

The next day was Sunday and we started the day with relaxing breath work session outside by the fire. I cried thinking about how much I love the women in my family- especially my daughters and how I wanted to do this breath work with them. It felt so good and was so nice. We had a delicious breakfast, went for a beautiful hike, had time to chat, do crafts, and journal before dinner. We went on a sunset cruise and exchanged letters with each other that we wrote to our childhood selves. Mine was written my a new friend, Aubrey, and it was so touching. The sisterhood at these retreats cannot be beat. We sat in the hot tub that night and ended the day feeling relaxed and fulfilled.

Monday we did an amazing session of morning yoga followed by some chanting. Raising our voices together in song is something I strong believe in. There's a power that's present in singing together at church or a concert, or even chanting at a sports game! The power is real! We had breakfast at Becca's father in law's property and then a wonderful sound bath under the trees. Becca showed us a tree that had been cut down but then a new perfect tree was growing straight out of the middle of the stump!

We talked a lot about roots and how the work of becoming rooted is often dirty, unseen, dark, and messy. Even chaotic! But a strong root system is which sustains a tree through wind and rain, storm and sun. The roots have to reach down deep, force their way against gravity and resistance, and be properly nourished for the tree to grow healthy and strong enough to bare fruit. You might see a beautifully fruitful tree, but you'll never know the deepness and extent of its root system.

We ended the weekend under the aspen trees sharing in the goodness and light we all felt. I am so thankful for Becca and her sisters for planning and executing such a flawless, heavenly weekend. We were fed physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. My cup is full. Deedee led us in a tapping session again and with everything I experienced over the weekend, I have learned new ways to grow and heal and have felt uplifted in ways I never thought possible.

A few days later I got a text from one of the energy healers who told me that I have a guardian angel and her name is Beyondsay (not Beyonce) and that I can call on her in my time of need. I'm not exactly sure what to do with that information,  but I'm lucky to have such a cool guardian angel!

I am so massively grateful for these retreats and I hope Becca always invites me to return because I'll come running each time she calls!

One last tender mercy- over the weekend, Shelley finally reached out to me and gave me the most wonderful advice (I'd vented to her a little bit about Bettina). She said she was flying to Vegas Monday night so I was able to meet her at the airport and drive her up to Dan's house who lives less than 10 minutes from Andrea's house! I spent the night at Andrea's and then Shelley and I had breakfast together the next morning before I drove home. She opened up to me about the struggles she's been facing with the death of her birth dad and I'm so glad I was able to connect with her! 

I've been holding space for so many people and they are all doing ok. Tanner got a job offer. My dad found out he doesn't have any disease and is scheduled for a procedure to drain some fluid off his brain (other than that, his brain is big and strong- besides some normal ware and tear in his short term memory centers), and Bettina has been nicer to me! Yay! Another piece of advice I was given was to treat Erika and April and anyone I don't feel safe with like a stranger. Just smile and be kind but keep them at arms length. That helped me feel better when we went to church. And Parker is doing great in Provo! Woo hoo! Almost a year in and a year to go!