Mother's Day

This Mother's Day was pretty tough but, because I have amazing friends who love me, it ended up being a pretty fantastic day. 

Tanner and his Dad began the horrendous drive across the county to Pennsylvania the day before Mother's Day. All of the planning, packing, and preparing were as complete as they were ever going to be and it was finally time to say goodbye. It was hard. Like, really hard. Parker all of a sudden had a fever and wasn't feeling well and I thought to myself, "Wait! I can't take a sick child to Target to get medicine! You have to stay so I can run to the store!" which led to, "Hold on, what am I doing here? Why am I not going with my husband? I thought this was a good idea but now I'm not so sure! How am I going to do this by myself?" Tanner and I had discussed and prayed and felt very strongly that the right thing for our family at this time was for Tanner to go to Pennsylvania first, get us settled and have a strong start at school without Parker and me there to distract him. Meanwhile, I would stay behind, work for a couple more weeks to get us through this transition financially and then go home to California to be with my Dad on his 70th birthday and spend some time with my family; knowing we'd be so far apart for a very long time. But.... I was starting to doubt. However, there was not much we could do to change our plans at that point. The wheels were already in motion and my heart ached as we watched that U-Haul drive down the street and out of sight.

 The whole house was empty. Parker and I didn't even have a bed to sleep on. Why did I think this was a good idea??? When Tanner drove away it was very difficult to imagine him not coming back. He was gone and I wasn't going to see him for about 2 months. So, I bawled. But, I pulled myself together, called my Mom, enlisted my friends, cleaned up, found a bed, and channeled my strong pioneer ancestors. We ate dinner on the floor and watched a movie and felt grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who had guided us through this difficult and uncharted chapter. By our constant hard work and faith we KNOW He will never let us down as we do our best to follow Him.

So, as the sun shone brightly through our window on the morning of Mother's Day it was with gratitude for a loving, strong, unwavering Mother that pulled me to my feet and put a smile on my face. She is my ROCK and I have nothing but respect, admiration, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude to her for all she has done and continues to do for me.  As I looked down at the sweet face of my perfect son how could I continue in my fears of the unknown and sadness at the thought of my husband being so far away? We are a family for eternity. Certainly there is no way we can dismay when we know the truthfulness of the gospel and our eternal bonds. Of course it is pertinent to say, as my dear friend Andrea pointed out, that Mother's Day for women struggling through infertility can be extremely painful. I lost 3 babies last year. But honestly, those thoughts never entered my mind. I was just so incredibly grateful for the wonderful child I have been blessed with and the amazing husband and family I am honored to call my own. I know the Lord will bless us as we stay humble and faithful. 

Parker and I enjoyed a sweet day at church followed by a wonderful afternoon at the home of Jon, one of the PA's I work with.  Jon is by far the best thing about work. He's amazing in countless ways.  He has an incredible family and the fact that he invited me to join with them on this intimate day was extremely loving, thoughtful  and one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. It is undeniable the blessings Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me in my desperate times of need. How could I ever doubt His love for me? Jon prepared a delicious meal and Parker and I soaked up every drop of sunshine while we played in the backyard with the kids. The family held a poignant Mother's Day program. The kids each shared a poem, picture, or piano piece for their Mom and Jon even shared, through tender tears, a poem written for his own mother who was there with us that day. I was very impressed with his family and I strive every day to emulate what he has created.

I am eternally grateful to be a mother. Words cannot express how in love I am with my son and the role I was destined to play in his life. I hope and pray that I can be the best mom I can be for him and it is my fondest and most desperate desire that I will be blessed with more children in the future.

I love my mom so much. Not a day goes by that I'm not in awe of her sacrifice for me. She's the best mother that ever lived and sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky to be her daughter. She means more to me than she'll ever know and I love her so much it hurts. Yes, this Mother's Day was tough, but if being a mom wasn't tough it wouldn't be nearly as rewarding.

I love being a Mom!

Parker and Kelsey