Another Hard Week

Posted by Chandra March 01, 2024

Another Hard Week

The day after Tanner’s birthday, Ella woke up with a fever and stayed home from school. To my good fortune, Shanna came to clean our house that day and helped Parker keep an eye on Ella. I had requested a formal meeting with Ray’s teacher in an email and in the morning, Dr D. found me in kinder and asked to see my before school got out. I was terrified all day and was in fight or flight which was exhausting. But luckily, I got an hour long massage with Angel at the chiropractor and went back to school feeling rejuvenated.

I had a great meeting with Dr. D. and together, we sent an email to Ray’s teacher again, in an effort to meet and get on the same page. (At this point, neither he nor I had heard anything from her and she had not responded to us about the formal meeting). I felt really good about the progress we were making and hopeful for a good outcome.

But sadly, Wednesday was horrific. Ella was feeling better but threw up on the way to school. Since we start Wednesday’s with a “Synergy Rally”, I kept Ella with me and made her she ate a little something and felt better before returning her to class. (I think she was just SUPER hungry). But the point is, she was on my mind and as a mom, I was trying to help her as best I could- so thankful that I work at the school. But at the same time, I was worried that I hadn’t heard anything from Ray’s teacher and this whole problem with her just kept getting pushed back. I ran into the school counselor before school started and she said she would pull Rayleigh after Synergy Rally and talk with her about what’s been going on.

Well, they met for almost twice the allotted time for counseling because Ray had some big feelings to discuss and process and when her teacher demanded she return to class, Ray was feeling a little triggered (as you can imagine). She was told she couldn’t go to PE and had to finish the math she had missed which made her even more sad and when her teacher attempted to get close to her and help her with math, Ray asked her to back away. Clearly, her teacher didn’t like being spoken to like that and she obviously feels undermined and disrespected. But she made Ray SO upset that the moment she turned her back, Ray grabbed her backpack, ran out of the room, and all the way down to the kinder playground where I was outside with my kids at recess. She ran into my arm and sobbed and sobbed saying she hated her teacher and she would never go back to class.

At this moment, clearly, I was at a level 10 alarm and didn’t really know what to do. Sandi came down and took Ray to the office and said, “your mom needs to work” and because I can’t talk about any of this with Colleen, she just asked if Ray was ok and then I finished my shift. I was at a loss as what to do so I texted Nichole and told her what happened and she immediately headed to the school to pick Ray up. She is my hero. I could not stop crying every time I thought about her swooping in to save my child. Even now I cry! Well, the office staff and Dr. D. were NOT happy about Ray being picked up because they were trying to handle it and assumed Ray being taken from school was like a reward for bad behavior. I was just trying to get her to a safe place. And I will stand by that forever.

I managed to end my shift and race to Ray and just collapsed into Nichole’s arms and cry and cry. She fed Ray and got her distracted with a game and she was happy. We pulled out a paper and pen and started writing down all of our concerns and talking points because clearly, we had come to a boiling point with Ray’s teacher. Nichole’s husband came home too and was so supportive and even pulled Ray aside to show her that this is what it looks like to have 3 adults who love you, advocate for you.

Dr. D. called me and we spoke for about 40 minutes. I was very proud of myself for the way I handled the conversation. He was a little upset with me at first and said, “I don’t see how your daughter can return to that class. She should go to another track/teacher/class starting tomorrow”. I asked him why we still hadn’t heard one word from her teacher and why we are in this mess to begin with. I said I wasn’t going to send Ray to another track without having an honest conversation with her teacher. Her teacher needed to be held accountable. Even MORE so than Rayleigh. So we agreed to meet the next morning.

Ray stayed home and Tanner came with me and to say I was nervous would be the understatement of the world. Tanner was fantastic. And we were united. The meeting went way longer than anticipated and didn’t end like we wanted it to. We had no resolution and no plan to move forward. Everyone in the room seemed to agree with us about wanted Ray to be seen and heard and have her needs met where they are. But her teacher kept coming back to “well she can’t just run down to you in kinder all the time”. It was suggested that I spend more time in Ray’s classroom but her teacher CLEARLY didn’t like that. So, here we were left with no solutions. I was/am extremely disappointed in her teacher for not showing at least a sliver of remorse- for making a child cry and feel ashamed and embarrassed and so unsafe that she literally fled the classroom. She basically has NO issues with Ray beyond “coming down to see her mom” and running in the classroom when it’s time to line up. Ray is a good student! She said her goal is to teach the kids as much information as possible in the time that’s given to her. She is old school. And we are agreeing to disagree, I guess.

Dr. D. and I spoke a few times during the day and he was SO excited to share with me the plan to have a loving and compassionate intake meeting with Ray the next morning to kindly invite her back to school. I told Ray that if she didn’t feel safe to return after the meeting, she didn’t need to. That bit me in the butt when Ella’s teacher said she shared that for her “good news minute” and that it was inappropriate. Here I am just trying my best and somehow screwing up all along the way. Of course we talk about all of this as a family and prayed several times for the meetings to go well so Ray would feel safe to go back to school. But haters gonna hate.

We met on Friday morning with Ray, Tanner, her teacher, her counselor, and me. Dr. D. ensured Ray that we were all on her side and wanted the best for her. Her teacher was STILL non apologetic and basically, a bitch, and left the meeting early. We had a really good conversation with Dr. D. He’s such a great guy. Ray was still so nervous to go back to class but he walked her down and promised to check on her throughout the day.
Tanner and I talked for a while in the parking lot and while not all of this has gone ideally, we are grateful for this school and the way so many teachers have rallied around Ray.

I had the day off work because I was leaving to go to Vegas with Shelley. But Ray had a “fine” day and sweet Nichole picked my kids up from school and let them come over and play for a few hours. The village is strong and I’m so thankful.

Other things to be thankful for: on Wednesday when I cried and Ray cried and we all had a hard day, a bunch of us moms met at the park to let our kids play and that was such a gift. I also had a nice time taking Jack to soccer and called Kari to talk about all of this drama with her. She and I have not been close for a while and I can tell she’s been making an effort to be more kind and loving. So it was nice to connect with her over this and allow her to feel special and valued as a special child educator herself.
I’m also very thankful for MCO. These last two Thursdays have been dark day and MCO is the light we all needed. Singing praises to our god and being united with so many voices is a healing balm. And this week, Ray really wanted to stop by my parent’s house on the way home. So she packed everyone’s Jammie’s and we had the nicest visit with them. How blessed I am to have them close by to lift me up and I’m feeling down, shed light and perspective to my problems, and make us all smile and feel loved.

I know it will be hard making it to the end of the year with Ray’s teacher. I was hoping to end on a high note but now I see that it’s just going to be enduring to the end instead. I’m proud of Ray for advocating for herself. For being resilient and going back to class. That is probably the hardest thing she’s ever done. I know it would be for me. Ray, you are a wonder. Your Heavenly Father has blessed you with such unique gifts and talents. The spark that is within you will one day light the world on fire and I’m so proud to have a front row seat to your greatness. Never stop believing in yourself. Never let the haters get you down. And know that you are a prized and precious daughter of God endowed with the greatest power on earth- the gift of the Holy Ghost and the knowledge of the gospel.
I love you!!!!!!