Easter 2018

This year, I planned and prepared so long and hard for a fun filled Easter. But in the end, I feel like a failure. The one thing I couldn't count on was Tanner working. I spent hours preparing for the family Easter Egg hunt and packing the car with any and all nessesities. I even packed mayo and mustard to make deviled eggs by the pool! But when we pulled up to the pool, Tanner informed me that he had a report to work on. To say that I was infuriated is an understatement. He sat by the pool on his computer almost the entire time. It was a good thing I was so prepared because I didn't need his help. But that's also super sad. Our poor kids need their Dad to be present when he's present. Ya know? When the egg hunt began, I yelled at Tanner to get off the computer and come watch the kids run around having fun. Reluctantly he shut it down. Then later my mom took Ray home because she was tired and I got into the pool with Ella and Jack. At this point I really did need help because they both really wanted/needed attention. So I begged Tanner to get into the pool with me. 45 minutes later he came in and I was so disappointed and angry. Don't worry, I stayed angry for 5 days.

 I think I'm a pretty supportive wife given the fact that he works anywhere between 70-80 hours a week, but this was too much. And I wasn't going to let this one slide.

But the kids had fun! 

On Friday the Easter Bunny stopped by Rayleigh's school! How fun! My brother got bunnies for his kids and brought them to the park. Everyone had a great time snuggling them! They colored eggs, cracked them, and we had a nice picnic lunch. They played with cousins and went swimming. They had a super fun Egg Hunt and scored lots of yummy candy. This is one of my favorite days of the year. It was a shame I let Tanner drag me down.

Christa and her family joined us a little later and it was so great spending more time with her! Tanner talked with Steve for a while and we got to catch with them a little bit. They are living in Colorado Springs and would love for us to visit!

The next day was Easter Sunday and we were able to listen to a magnificent General Conference. I was still fuming mad at Tanner and the day was pretty sad in that regard. I was feeling super spent and overwhelmed and we had a break down with communication. Tanner got hurt feelings from my cold shoulder and LEFT. That was terrible. And I'm documenting all of this to keep it real and prove that even though we have a pretty dang fantastic life, these trying times do happen. I made a big yummy ham dinner for everyone and ate it alone. It was sad. I very much enjoyed listening to Conference and I hope my kids had a nice Easter Sunday. I'm going to do things differently next year and I'm hoping we can have less candy (and sugar induced hysteria) and a more peaceful Sabbath. 

I love Easter and Spring and the time we have to focus more on Christ's atonement and resurrection. It's fitting that Tanner and I would feel the need to refocus on our relationship. I know that each day I can get on my knees, ask my Father for forgiveness, and receive help through His grace to become better. I can humbly reach deep within myself and pull out all of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities and lay them at His feet. I know I can roll up my sleeves and work hard to make weak things strong and bless the lives of those around me. He can bind my broken heart if I forgive and ask for forgiveness. THAT is the miracle. I know that my Savior lives, that He loves me, and that He wants me to be my best self. He wants me to draw near to Him and I know He will draw near to me too. He has a work for me to do and I don't want to let Him down. Even though I made mistakes and let the natural man take over, I can repent and turn the page- start anew. Just like a tiny flower breaking through the cold Winter ground as the warm sunshine of Spring draws it up, I too can break through the bands that hold me and move toward the warmth of my Savior