Our 14th Anniversary

The truth is, this anniversary was down right lousy. I was still fuming mad at Tanner for all that had transpired over the weekend and I wasn't about to let it all go and not work through it, especially since it was our anniversary. Tanner works A LOT so finding time to communicate effectively and to constructively work through our weak points proved difficult. Throw in a week's worth of out-of-state company and no money for a date- we were both feeling on the verge of a breakdown.

I spent the day of our 14th anniversary talking with my mom who had come up to help with the kids while I took Parker to get his braces off. There was a free pizza deal at Little Caesars for lunch so we stopped by there and got some food, too. Later, Jill invited Courtney and me over after school to chat while the kids played and all I can say is that she must be the sweetest, most "in tune" friend in the world. I REALLY needed some friends to talk to, to help center me and ground me, to help me work through the irrational frustrations and help me break down why I was so upset. Only in the most vulnerable, trusting relationships can you be this open. It's a very freeing, secure feeling and I cherish these incredible friends. They listened to me, let me cry, made me laugh, and gave the most Christ like advice. Jill even offered to spend the night so that Tanner and I could take a night away- she knows we haven't had a weekend to ourselves or even a date night in forever.

I was hurt and disappointed that I hadn't even heard from Tanner all day. Not even a text. And it was our anniversary, remember???

But when I got home, there was a giant bouquet of the most beautiful flowers sitting on my porch with a sweet card. Ok, so he didn't forget. It would have been easy to just move on at that point and forget about all that had upset me but I really wanted to talk. It took a solid 3 days but on Wednesday, we were finally able to start a healing conversation. Monday night, Tanner got home shortly before Amy arrived with her 3 kids which made things awkward and it was impossible to talk.

BUT, we DID talk. And on Sunday, a whole week later, we were able to sit down and have a really good, healthy, productive discussion (no, we didn't fight or even raise our voices). I told him that I give him a generous allowance to work and be away from home and that I'm happy to do that. He's thriving and we are surviving and everyone is doing great. But when I ask for the same consideration (ex: come home "early" so I can go to Bunco or have a girls night), I'm met with resistance. When I ask him to get up with the kids in the morning, he is angry and mean. But in my mind, this is the ONLY precious time he gets to spend with HIS children. If not in the morning, it's never. So embrace it and make it a special time. He had some of his own concerns and requests and we had a great back and forth. We are a very "talkie" couple. We talk a lot. But with him working late and us not spending as much time together, we just don't talk as much. So some things were getting neglected and our relationship was suffering. We are back to normal now and trying our best to support each other, stay disciplined and humble, and make the most of our weekends together.

Before

After

Tanner also sent me a big box of chocolate covered strawberries which I devoured one night. I'm not usually a big fan of this decadent treat, but they really hit the spot this time.

Tanner was a missionary serving in the Carlsbad Mission and his very last area was my  home ward. He met with my family and had dinners at my house often and my mom thought highly of him. One Sunday, while I was driving back to Rexburg from a weekend in Provo, I called my mom. She asked me where I was and I said, "Oh, I'm just driving through Blackfoot." She said, "Oh! One of the missionaries standing here is from Blackfoot!" I said, "Well get his number and I'll call his mom and tell her that her son is doing great and had dinner at my mom's house."

 I got his number and had a few quick chats with Kim while Tanner was still out serving in Laguna Hills. I wondered if Tanner was going to return back to BYU-I when he got home from his mission and I was happy and willing to help arrange his classes for him. I liked doing that kinda thing. Of course Tanner was so focused on finishing strong that he never mentioned to his mom what his post mission plans were. I wasn't able to really do anything for him.

The Spring term ended and I went home for a week or so. Tanner returned home to Idaho and our paths never crossed. My mom and I traveled up to Utah together before I went back up to school and I swear he called her up and invited her to attended the temple with him. He was in Utah for a friend's wedding or something. But Tanner doesn't recall any of this.

I started the Summer term at BYU-I at the beginning of May and called up "Elder Peterson" and invited him over the first week I was there. I didn't know his first name and he didn't answer the phone so I just left him a message and left him with my phone number. He called me back and he said he could come over Friday night. (May 9, 2003) I already had a date for that night but I said he could swing by before my date.

I vividly remember him standing in my open front door. He leaned against the side and gently knocked with the back of his fist. His face was blushing bright red and he had a shy smile. Liz and I bounced over and invited him in. We got to talking and he wanted to show me his new, cool car. I could car less about his car and thought it was so weird how he wanted to show me so badly. Clearly, I knew nothing about boys and cars. He grabbed his old CD collection out of his car and brought it inside so we could listen to music. He was so excited about hearing all the albums he hadn't heard in 2 years. Like, really excited. One of his random friends also popped over and we made pancakes. Liz and I tried to be flirty and sexy and would dance in the living room when a cool song came on but Tanner just sat there like a nerd looking through all his CDs. Then he said his back was killing him and that he really needed a massage. I practically drop kicked Liz out of the way and threw Tanner to the ground so I could do it. To this day we joke that if Liz had been the one to give Tanner a back massage, he'd be happily married to her because she has magic hands. He would have instantly fallen in love with her. But lucky for me, I was the one to give him a massage!

Later that night, some boys showed up to pick up Liz and me for our date. These guys were super lame and all I could think about was seeing Tanner again.

Which was the.next.day.

He picked me up and we went to Blackfoot. I met Monte and Kaitlin and Kass. I played the piano and then Tanner played a song and I was super impressed! And then later when we were in the car driving again he sang to the radio and I was like, "WOW!" All throughout the night we kept reading each others minds. We drove to Idaho Falls to have dinner with Sister Tanaka and Kirby (she was dropping her off for her first semester at college! To this day Sister Tanaka takes partial credit for our happy marriage) We had a few minutes in the car together because we were early and he said, "This is the first time I've been alone in the car with a girl since I've been home." I loved that he was flirting with me! I thought he was so cute and sweet. We had so much to talk about and got along so well. I now think it's so interesting how often in those first few weeks of dating I said we loved talking together. I guess that's always been our strong point.

After dinner we drove up to the mountains to meet up with Tad and some guys having a bon fire. As the sun went down, the music slowed down (Usher or Boyz 2 Men, I'm sure) and he held my hand- no easy feat when you're driving a stick shift! Holding hands to me was a BIG deal. Most guys I dated were fine with kissing or cuddling but they never held my hand. To me, that seemed like a genuine, respectful, intimate gesture. I wrote in my journal, "I think he's sweeping me off my feet!". He didn't let go of my hand when we met up with his friends and I wrote, "1) he's not ashamed to be seen with me and 2)he wants his friends to know I'm with him".

 At the end of the night he drove me home and walked me up to my doorstep. I totally thought he would kiss me but he gave me a hug which was adorable because the word hug always made him blush. I wrote in my journal that I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me not kiss boys! But then I said, "I don't think I'd mind kissing Tanner... but not yet. Kissing messes everything up!"

 The next day was Sunday and Mother's Day! I talked to Tanner a few times that day too and I said, "I think he likes me but I'm still not sure."

On Monday, Becca and I were itching to get out of Rexburg and she really wanted to go see her boyfriend, McKay. So we grabbed our other roommate, Xochitl, and drove all the way to Blackfoot at like 10pm. Tanner got off work at midnight and we all went to his house and watched a movie. I don't know how we stayed up so late all the time! I laid my head on Tanner's chest and listened to his heart beat and pretended to be asleep so he'd cuddle me. He held my hand under the blanket we shared and would tickle my fingers and do cute things like that. He would touch my hair and my face and I said, "Oh! To be in a man's arms! I love it more than anything! It's like holding a sleeping baby." As you can tell, I did not pay any attention to the movie. He gave me a hug goodbye and then grabbed me again and held me super tight. "Tanner is so awesome!"

I had a few other dates set up that week but we met for breakfast in Idaho Falls on Wednesday morning. He was very polite and treated me. We talked a lot (see! we've always loved talking) and walked around the green belt by the temple. We played in the grass and I made a fool of myself trying to show him how I could do a cartwheel (I can't) and then he executed a perfect one. In my journal I wrote, "He was all, 'Do a cartwheel.' So I'm all, 'Ok!' Then I'm all, 'K, you do one.' and he fully did like a back handspring. I felt dumb." He kept trying to kiss me, I could tell. He gave me a kiss on my cheek when he said goodbye though. I wrote, "He keeps saying how funny it was that I called him cuz he wouldn't have called me. Duh! He didn't have my number. But never in a 1,000 years had I thought that all this would happen between us. I thought I'd call him and we'd hangout and be friends and go camping and stuff. But he's getting all romantical on me!" He called me late that night on his way home from work and I wrote, "I love those late night talks. He's so easy to talk to!" I went on a horrible date on Friday night but Tanner asked me out for Saturday night and even asked me to come to Sunday dinner!(yikes! too soon) But we had fun that Saturday. We made tin foil dinners and watched Joe Dirt on the side of the garage outside and played glow in the dark golf. This is the day I first met Kim and I thought she was so sweet. Monte was so friendly and made me feel so good. The girls were babies and just stared at me and were adorable. Kaitlin made us cheesecake to enjoy while we watched our movie. When we went out to play golf with Travis and Emily and Becca and McKay and Nic and Liz and I think Tad and Jake?, Tanner kept hitting his ball way far off in the distance so we'd have to leave the group to go find it and he could kiss me. I wouldn't let him until we got back home and sat by the fire in the basement. We had a good long hot romantic kiss and I knew I didn't want to kiss anyone else for the rest of my life.

Liz and I had this stupid idea of having a "dating" wall. We wanted to take pictures of all the guys we went out with and put them on the wall- just for fun! Tanner was the first and only guy we took a picture of. We had to beg and practically force him to put his arm around me! He was soooo  fresh off his mission- he would blush if he even THOUGHT about the word kiss or even hug! Also, I'm holding my "blankie" which I had forgotten at home and my mom had mailed to me. It arrived that day and I opened it when Tanner was sitting there with me.

Now that I've started writing about our early days, it makes me want to keep telling our story. So stay tuned!