Parker's 12th Birthday

My not so little Parker is now a big 12 year old boy! He is seriously my same size and worth his weight in gold. He is such a good boy and makes my life so much better! He's smart and inquisitive, sweet and inclusive. He loves LEGOs, YouTube, hanging with friends, electronic music, and swimming. He is an easy kid to celebrate, that's for sure!

Karina and I discussed a few different party plans to celebrate Savannah and Parker's combined birthdays and due to the drama with Jon, decided on her pool. It was all fun and games until Jack was rough housing with Brody and Jon charged at me in a fit of rage. Cami was right next to me and said, "Woah, woah woah..." while Jon, infuriated, yelled in my face. Karina grabbed Jon and pulled him away from me as I stood there stunned. In that moment, I felt so sorry for Jon. His lack of tact, shortness of temper, and cold heart is something that, I'm sure, is negatively affecting his life way more than it is affecting mine. But it still hurt. I spent, literally, the rest of the day crying. Awkwardly, Jon did not leave and I had to sit in the corner with a traumatized Jack (Jon proudly admits that he screamed at Jack and made him cry due to his behavior with Brody) until the party was over and Parker was ready to leave. It was HIS birthday party and I didn't want Jon ruining it for him. 

Every member of my family came to console me which was comforting but everyone seems to be scared of Jon and doesn't want to confront him about his abhorrent behavior. Except my Dad...

After the party, we drove over to my parent's house where Parker spent the night (one of his birthday requests) My Dad held me by the shoulders, looked deep into my eyes, and with tears in his own eyes told me that what Jon did was NOT right and that a person should never be treated with such disgust and disrespect, especially family. But he pleaded with me to find forgiveness in my heart because Heavenly Father has a great work for me to accomplish. My patriarchal blessing is very specific about the importance of my role here on Earth when the Savior returns to rule and reign and I do not want anything or anyone standing in my way of being worthy of that righteous calling.

I DO have forgiveness in my heart for Jon, but my dear, sweet, best friend enlightening me to the fact that I was continually stepping into abusive situations with my brother and that I was not using good sense when doing that. So, after much thought and prayer, I've decided to step back from family events and conversations until Jon's heart can be softened. This is a lesson that HE needs to learn and I don't want to be the person standing in the way of his spiritual journey. So until then, we have a long, awkward road.

Moving ON! 

The next morning, both Tanner and I were having a rough time and we were glad that Parker was with my parents in a happy, peaceful environment. Jon stopped by my parents to drop off a gift for Parker which was kind and also brazen. But that did give my Dad a chance to talk to Jon about his outburst. (Love you, Dad!) I waited until he was gone and then Jack and I showed up to wish Parker a Happy Birthday and bring him to the mall for LEGO shopping and lunch at ISLANDS! Karina met us there with Tavian and Savannah and Tav came with us to the LEGO store and to pick out some chocolates at Sees. We had a super fun and delicious lunch and Parker was so happy and totally feeling the love!

That night, Parker invited the Deacon's quorum over for a pool party! They made pizzas and ice cream sundaes and swam and played cards. Those boys were soooooooo cute and it was fun to hear there silly conversations. I'm so glad Parker has such good friends!

It was a weekend filled with lots of ups and downs and it's sad that my brother, whom I've always looked up to as a warrior, has now fallen in my regard. Lowering expectations is never an easy task and I pray that his heart is softened and we can love each other like brother and sister again someday soon.

Parker had a great 12th birthday and this kid deserves all the good things in life! This year I want him to learn and grow, push through his comfort zone but also feel refuge here in our home. He's my best (not so little) buddy and my life has been immeasurably blessed since the day I found out his little life was beginning in my tummy.

 LOVE YOU, BUG!!!!!!!!

Parker's Birthday List

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