Saying Goodbye to Parker

 The morning we took Parker to the airport to catch his flight to Provo dawned early. He was NOT happy. But, he is well prepared physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally to embark on this monumental mission. As we drove to John Wayne, the sun was rising and fog covered the ground. It was a beautiful morning. Tanner drove separately and all the kids were with me sitting in silence. The mood was heavy. Parker took my phone and turned on some music. I recognized the voice of Billie Eilish. As I was listening to the song, I couldn't help but start bawling- tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. That kid turned on the most emo singer and intentionally chose a song called, "Goodbye". RUDE! He was laughing at me and said, "Oh! You do have a heart!" So far, I haven't really cried about Parker leaving. But this moment really got to me and I cried all morning after that. We parked and got Parker checked in with his 2 gigantic bags. We waited with him in the security line and watched as he made it through TSA. Wow. That was gut wrenching.

But if I'm being completely honest in my feeling surrounding all of this I'd say my first emotion is joy. I feel happy that we made it this far and that I raised a son worthy and able to serve a mission. I feel relief. And I feel a huge sense of pride in my first born. He's a rock star in my book and I know the next 2 years is going to mold him and shape him to become something even more extraordinary. I'm excited for him- for the experiences he's about to have. And I'm a little sad for the family times he's going to miss out on. But not really. Because I know he'd rather be out there than with us during this phase in all of our lives. DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT HARD. But I'm not scared or sad.

We left the airport and I cried as we drove to school. Miraculously we made it on time which is good because I asked Haley to be on stand by for me if we were late and she said no. We were having synergy rally so I took a second to compose myself and then join my class outside. Later, Colleen asked me how the drop off went and I couldn't talk without crying. Awww! I DO have a heart! I asked to pop in on Ella's class. The parents were invited to see the kids' culture fair projects. So fun! Ella was fantastic! But we had a lock down drill while I was there and I couldn't get back to my class. Whoops! I felt so badly!

I stayed at Rondo and helped the kinders walk through the culture fair and ran some copies for Mrs Murphy and it was just back to reality- meanwhile, a piece of my heart was broken off and making his way to the MTC. Bridger picked him up from the airport. took him to Chick A Lay for lunch, stopped to get him some snacks and then dropped him off. I cried all day thinking about it- the hero that day, Bridger. He performed an act of service that can truly never be repaid. He stepped in when we needed him most and helped Parker transition from home to MTC. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

That night I had bookclub but when I got home and checked my email I saw that I had message from Parker saying he sent me a message on Google chat. I was exhausted but quickly downloaded the app and set up my profile so I couldn't see his message and respond. All it said was, "Hi" so I said, "Hi!" back. He immediately started texting me on the app and it was heart breaking. He was NOT ok. He said he felt so out of place and anxious and sad. He said he felt guilty that everyone else seemed to happy and confident and he didn't. He felt badly for making his companion away from a devotional so he could go throw up in the bathroom.  I asked him if he'd eaten anything (ya but it was gross) and told him it was late and had been a HUGE say and he probably needed a good night's sleep. He was not convinced he could even sleep. He asked me, in total vulnerability, if I wouldn't be disappointed if he couldn't "do this" and came home. I said, "Absolutely not". But I have every confidence that he can do it. I have so much faith in him! We chatted for almost an hour and I said, "I love you. Bug." and he said, "I love you, too."

CUE THE TEARS AGAIN!!!! HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's all hope and pray that his confidence grows quickly because I KNOW he can do this and not only do it, but be a leader and THRIVE. You got this, Parker!