Chan's 38th Birthday

Posted by Chandra May 01, 2022

Chan's 38th Birthday

All I wanted for my birthday was an ALL DAY beach day at 3 Arch. Luckily, I got a half day. But Tanner had an MCO Mozart concert in Newport that night so we had to leave the beach at 3:00. It was nice while it lasted, especially the time when Jon wasn't there.

It's crazy to me that allll these years later; after having that super hard conversation when he yelled at me and hung up on me when I tried to tell him to not worry about disciplining my kids, but just to love them, after MONTHS of him being awkward and so incredibly mean to me, and years of trying to recover from all of that, he STILL inserts himself when he doesn't need to. It's excruciating and I hate that so many of my special family memories are tainted because of him.

Rayleigh saw a bottle in the bushes and was determined to get it out. She was worried about litter on the beach. She found a 10 foot long bamboo stick and worked diligently to get the bottle free. Once she did it, and she was soooo proud of herself, she tried to keep it safe. It was pretty cool- a brown glass bottle that almost looked like a treasure map from a pirate could have been left inside. She was having fun with it and no one seemed to mind. That is until Jon saw her. He commented to me several times about it and I just told him not to worry about it. Apparently since he wasn't "getting through" to me, he spoke to Tanner about it. When my mom was literally lighting the candle on my cupcake to have everyone sing Happy Birthday to me, Tanner took the bottle from Rayleigh and she freaked out. He didn't try to talk to her or make a plan, he just took it and she was devastated. I ran over to her and held her in my arms and calmed her down. That's when the miracle happened.

She talked to me! She explained to me what happened and how she was feeling and it dawned on me that this was the first time she'd had BIG feelings and could talk her way through them! All of these months of working with her incredible teachers at school has paid off!!! She was VERY upset and I don't blame her. I'd be upset too! But I explained that the bottle was for beer (which she obviously wasn't aware of) and that it was probably best that we follow the rules of "no glass on the beach". She was ok with that but she was still sad about everything that had happened so I helped her think of 3 happy thoughts to replace the sad thoughts. (chicks, youtube, and squishy balls) A few minutes later, Josi came over for support and then Jon came over and he was sooooo annoying. Go away. He was trying to be nice but she does NOT like him and neither do it. I'm trying to create a boundary, though, and not let him drag me down anymore. His issues with control and micro managing cannot be my problem any longer. Ugh, he's the worst.

After about 20 minutes of holding and comforting Rayleigh and having such a great conversation with her, we finally lit the candle on my cupcake and everyone sang to me. I spend the rest of the time at the beach hanging out with my best girl, Rayleigh. None of the kids wanted to leave at 3 but Tanner was level 10 agro about traffic and getting to his rehearsal on time. Can you tell I'm a little bitter? We got the kids home and settled and then I met my mom for dinner at Fashion Island while Tanner was at rehearsal. I ordered fried chicken and donuts because IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND YOLO!

Tanner's concert was beautiful- all about the resurrection. I do love MCO. After the concert, we went to Ryan's birthday party and I let everyone know that it was MY birthday because I am shameless and once again felt robbed. Going to someone else's birthday party ON MY birthday was not what I wanted to do. But it was fun and I love those North American people. They were all so sweet and made me feel so loved.

(Side Story: on Sunday, I had not been asked to help in Primary and I was so looking forward to going to Relief Society. I needed an hour to myself to reset. I loved having the kids at home all month but now that they were going back to school, I needed to reset my priorities. But half way through sacrament meeting, Sister Meaders asked me to help in primary and I couldn't say no! I cried. I just did not want to do it and I felt so frustrated in myself for not saying no. I could not stop crying. I went to the bathroom before primary started to splash water on my face and snap out of it. 2 friends were in there and when I asked them if it looked like I'd been crying they immediately said, "WHAT'S WRONG!?!?!" And threw their arms around me. One took pity on me and said she'd help in primary so I could go to Relief Society. Of course, then I felt guilty because I have major issues. But my point is: during the sacrament I asked Heavenly Father to please bless me to feel love from my friends because I needed it! And more than that, I want to show my love to them! My prayers were answered almost immediately by these sweet sisters in the bathroom. God is aware of me and sees my efforts! I was hoping to feel the love from my other friends.... but this was even better! My old friends aren't what they used to be and I need to come to terms with that)

It's been 20 years since I graduated from high school. Jana and I had a combined 18th birthday party this time 20 years ago and it's sooooo crazy to remember how I felt and what my life was like back then- carefree and with the world about ready to open its doors to me. I knew then that I wanted to get married and have children, live in California and go to Disneyland and the beach, travel, and sit in the hot tub. These were real life priorities to me! ha ha And look! My life is everything I dreamed of and more!!! And the good news is that 3 Arch isn't going anywhere. I can go anytime (preferably without Jon) and I'm so lucky to do that!

Angel and her boys came over on Sunday afternoon and we had a blast together. We swam and threw some tacos together and she made the yummiest cake for me! She's the best and I love that she's my BFF!

I love my life and I'm so incredibly blessed! My mom was exactly my age when she got pregnant with me. Is there a mini Chan out there waiting to come to Earth?!?!?!?!?