Fall Women's Retreat
I had the privilege of attending my second women’s retreat with Andrea. There were about a dozen of us that flew up to Montana and stayed in Becca‘s beautiful lake house. I flew from California to Vegas and had a few hours at the airport to walk around and grab some Starbucks, which was a special treat for me. When we arrived in Montana, we started with a personal declaration session with Misty. We did some breath work and dropped in into our hearts, and then answered some questions.
Answering these questions, I proclaimed that I am a daughter of God with a divine purpose. I have gifts from my heavenly parents and a mission to complete. I am important and needed. When I am the most aligned, I feel confident, vulnerable, happy, and positive which is how I would like to show up in the world. If my soul could speak, it would say that I am allowed to feel and express emotions of profound love and gratitude. Your family loves when you do this and it will bless them. Please stop worrying about people outside of your sacred circle.
I want people to feel happy, calm, seen, and heard around me. When I envision my future self, I see a soft, powerful creator of peace. The future version of me thinks feels and believes that I wasted a lot of time and energy on false truths. (That I don’t belong or am unwanted or unworthy) I feel relief that that chapter is over. And I believe in a greater light and existence filled with grace, truth and love.
I need to let go of the idea that I am not enough or that I am too much. I choose to stand in the truth that I am good, I am a gifted peacemaker, I am forgiving, I am a Grace giver, I am a soft place for my family to land, and I am a feminine force that my husband needs. The spirit confirms to me that I have an important role to perform when the Savior comes again. Every ounce of energy needs to be poured into preparing for that time. When I think of these responsibilities, I feel strong and ready to rise. I will clean out what isn’t necessary and build and grow what brings peace and power. I will plant seeds that will grow my God given gifts and talents, and cultivate those gifts until perfected. What I can do to reach these goals is something I didn’t know on the first day- I wrote that I didn’t know what to do yet, but I did know that I need to simplify and I know I needed to do a better job aligning with Tanner. I wrote that I was excited to be inspired at General conference, but I did not have all the answers of clarity yet.
Misty gave us a powerful quote from Jeffrey R Holland, which says “God expects you not to simply face the future, he expects you to face and shape the future, to love it, and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities. God is eagerly awaiting the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as he always has. But he can’t if you don’t pray, he can’t if you don’t dream- in short, he can’t if you don’t believe.“
I wrote in my journal that I am excited to be my authentic self at this retreat. I want to let go of restraints and awaken to my divine, real self. I want to recognize her and address conflict in a loving way and not fall into a passive aggressive trap that only robs me of my own peace. That’s like torture. I’m excited to be a happy leader, full of fun, confidence and more affection. My intention is to let go of restraints and step into my authentic self- who God wants and made me to be. Information doesn’t create transformation. Experience creates lasting change. I have come here to be healed.
Oh boy did I heal! That first night of setting intentions and opening up to possibilities was profound. We had a delicious dinner prepared by Becca’s sisters and slept so well in the clean mountain air that night.
And let it be known that we are extremely well at every meal. Becca’s sisters not only prepared delicious, filling meals, but presented them in such a pretty way! Meal times were cherished.
Friday was full of life changing experiences. I wrote in my journal that I think sometimes I get tired and then I get overwhelmed and then I tell myself that I just don’t care. It’s easier not to care than to do the work. But if you do the work to align yourself and be known as who you want to be known and who heavenly father wants you to be, then the doors are open to much more expansive and beautiful days and opportunities. Misty handed out cards to each of us and I happened to choose the one titled “healing“. My card says “Hurt has no power over me. I allow the healing presence of love to fill heart, mind, and body. I remember the truth that I am whole and healed here and now.”
I partnered up with Holly to do the Native American “build a structure” exercise and it was eye opening. I didn’t think too hard about how I built my structure. I just wanted my pieces organized. When I looked at my structure from the north, I noticed I had created a little nest of feathers and cotton. It was a soft safe place. It showed me that my biggest priority in my life right now is to create a soft sanctuary for me and my family. I need to be focused mainly on that. When I looked at my structure from the opposite side, I saw a little path of pebbles, and I had placed a plastic bug on its back. When I placed the bug there initially, I wanted it as far away from me as possible. But as I looked at the structure from the south, it was right there near me. I realized that the bug was not on my path and that I could still walk along my path and the bug would not hurt me or hinder my progress. But the bug was going to be in the picture. The bug wasn’t going to go anywhere, but it also wasn’t going to hurt me because it was on its back. This bug to me represents people in my life that don’t serve me or who hurt me. (“Serve” meaning helping my achieve my divine purpose) I can’t get away from people in my ward or neighborhood or family who have hurt me, but I can continue down my path and not focus on them. During our sound bath on Sunday, there was a sound that was a call to action, and I pictured myself walking down that path filled with abundant light and warmth and that those bugs were there, but they were on the sidelines. If I looked to the right or the left and took my site off my progress down my path, I could be distracted and hurt by those bugs or even scared. So I need to remind myself to keep my eye on my path forward. My path is full of light and abundance and my goal is that soft, sacred place for my family and for myself.
Most of our activities got us out of our comfort zone and had the potential to make us feel silly, but instead made us all cry. We did an activity where we babbled to each other, and while we started off giggling, we all ended up crying as we each babbled a blessing to each other. We learned how to tap as a way to reset our nervous systems when we are experiencing fight or flight emotions. We also partnered up for an activity where we took a step into the past and acknowledged the progress that we’ve made. We talked to our past self with kindness and compassion. I was very hesitant to take a step back into my past. But my partner held space for me and helped me feel safe. As I walked forward into the future, I felt a great sense of relief and rejuvenation. Becca was my partner and she asked to share a thought with me. She said I have been in a season of harvest and gathering for a long time and now it’s time to separate the wheat from the tares and create something warm and nourishing from my harvest for my family and myself.
I wrote in my journal that it’s sad that I’ve wasted so much time and energy on relationships that stopped serving me. They have drained me and sucked me dry to the point of exhaustion. I’ve tried to make myself small and dim my light and response to my hurt feelings of rejection. I may not have ever really been rejected, although if I was, is that the worst thing? Move on, Chan. Am I showing up as a daughter of God when I’m scared and hiding? No! Then I made a list of people at church that I feel safe connecting with hugging and talking to. This seems small and silly but by small and simple things great things come to pass. I am tired of hiding my light and it gives me great pleasure and relief to identify people at church that I can share my light with and know that I won’t be hurt by them. I felt that God wants me to know that the people in my life that aren’t serving me don’t matter and I don’t need to try anymore to connect with them. I’m not going to make that problem go away by moving, that won’t solve this problem. But it is possible to find myself again and live in an even greater light in my current circumstances.
There are people who need my light and keeping it safe from a few people is hiding it from everyone.
On Saturday afternoon, we decided to go out on the boat and play on the water. I was happy to go on the boat and not get in the water but the girls I was with encouraged me to try. And when Becca‘s husband, who was driving the boat, said he would 100% guarantee that I would get up on the wake surfboard, I decided to give it a try. I was doing it more to please them than for myself, to be honest. But after five or six tries, I got up! With their help and encouragement and coaching, it was easy! At that moment, I realized that I could step out of my comfort zone and trust in the relationships around me that serve me and abide in a more abundant life. It’s time to stop hiding my light! It was a wonderful experience. We ended that afternoon with sitting in the hot tub, relaxing in the sauna, and taking a refreshing steam shower. We had a delicious dinner outside and took the boat out again at sunset to share testimonies with each other about the day’s experiences.
Late that night, I got a text from Parker that our dear prophet, President Russell M Nelson passed away. He was 101 years old and such an amazing and transformative profit for our day. Sunday morning we had a sunrise worship service together, and we shared loving memories and profound insight from President Nelson. I love how he simplified the gospel and made it make sense. He will be greatly missed, but I am grateful that his words will live on.
We ended the retreat with a nature walk where I was able to go out alone and walk along the lake and pick up a rock to give all of my negative energy, thoughts, and feelings too, and throw it in the water with a big splash. I then found a tiny, beautiful purple flower And promised to be resilient and grow and create a beautiful peaceful place for my family and myself from here on out. We then enjoyed a beautiful sound bath that really spoke to our souls and aligned all of our hearts together.
It was hard to pack up and say goodbye to everybody. The weekend was so incredible! I cannot wait for the next retreat because I know that the things that I experience and learn, make me a better person and help me understand what God wants from me and who he created me to be. The last couple of months were chaotic and busy and full of monumental family events, and I felt myself getting lost in it all.. But this retreat really reset me and I’m happy to go home with a renewed sense of peace and abundance.
Tanner picked me up from the airport with flowers in hand. It’s good to be home.
Answering these questions, I proclaimed that I am a daughter of God with a divine purpose. I have gifts from my heavenly parents and a mission to complete. I am important and needed. When I am the most aligned, I feel confident, vulnerable, happy, and positive which is how I would like to show up in the world. If my soul could speak, it would say that I am allowed to feel and express emotions of profound love and gratitude. Your family loves when you do this and it will bless them. Please stop worrying about people outside of your sacred circle.
I want people to feel happy, calm, seen, and heard around me. When I envision my future self, I see a soft, powerful creator of peace. The future version of me thinks feels and believes that I wasted a lot of time and energy on false truths. (That I don’t belong or am unwanted or unworthy) I feel relief that that chapter is over. And I believe in a greater light and existence filled with grace, truth and love.
I need to let go of the idea that I am not enough or that I am too much. I choose to stand in the truth that I am good, I am a gifted peacemaker, I am forgiving, I am a Grace giver, I am a soft place for my family to land, and I am a feminine force that my husband needs. The spirit confirms to me that I have an important role to perform when the Savior comes again. Every ounce of energy needs to be poured into preparing for that time. When I think of these responsibilities, I feel strong and ready to rise. I will clean out what isn’t necessary and build and grow what brings peace and power. I will plant seeds that will grow my God given gifts and talents, and cultivate those gifts until perfected. What I can do to reach these goals is something I didn’t know on the first day- I wrote that I didn’t know what to do yet, but I did know that I need to simplify and I know I needed to do a better job aligning with Tanner. I wrote that I was excited to be inspired at General conference, but I did not have all the answers of clarity yet.
Misty gave us a powerful quote from Jeffrey R Holland, which says “God expects you not to simply face the future, he expects you to face and shape the future, to love it, and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities. God is eagerly awaiting the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as he always has. But he can’t if you don’t pray, he can’t if you don’t dream- in short, he can’t if you don’t believe.“
I wrote in my journal that I am excited to be my authentic self at this retreat. I want to let go of restraints and awaken to my divine, real self. I want to recognize her and address conflict in a loving way and not fall into a passive aggressive trap that only robs me of my own peace. That’s like torture. I’m excited to be a happy leader, full of fun, confidence and more affection. My intention is to let go of restraints and step into my authentic self- who God wants and made me to be. Information doesn’t create transformation. Experience creates lasting change. I have come here to be healed.
Oh boy did I heal! That first night of setting intentions and opening up to possibilities was profound. We had a delicious dinner prepared by Becca’s sisters and slept so well in the clean mountain air that night.
And let it be known that we are extremely well at every meal. Becca’s sisters not only prepared delicious, filling meals, but presented them in such a pretty way! Meal times were cherished.
Friday was full of life changing experiences. I wrote in my journal that I think sometimes I get tired and then I get overwhelmed and then I tell myself that I just don’t care. It’s easier not to care than to do the work. But if you do the work to align yourself and be known as who you want to be known and who heavenly father wants you to be, then the doors are open to much more expansive and beautiful days and opportunities. Misty handed out cards to each of us and I happened to choose the one titled “healing“. My card says “Hurt has no power over me. I allow the healing presence of love to fill heart, mind, and body. I remember the truth that I am whole and healed here and now.”
I partnered up with Holly to do the Native American “build a structure” exercise and it was eye opening. I didn’t think too hard about how I built my structure. I just wanted my pieces organized. When I looked at my structure from the north, I noticed I had created a little nest of feathers and cotton. It was a soft safe place. It showed me that my biggest priority in my life right now is to create a soft sanctuary for me and my family. I need to be focused mainly on that. When I looked at my structure from the opposite side, I saw a little path of pebbles, and I had placed a plastic bug on its back. When I placed the bug there initially, I wanted it as far away from me as possible. But as I looked at the structure from the south, it was right there near me. I realized that the bug was not on my path and that I could still walk along my path and the bug would not hurt me or hinder my progress. But the bug was going to be in the picture. The bug wasn’t going to go anywhere, but it also wasn’t going to hurt me because it was on its back. This bug to me represents people in my life that don’t serve me or who hurt me. (“Serve” meaning helping my achieve my divine purpose) I can’t get away from people in my ward or neighborhood or family who have hurt me, but I can continue down my path and not focus on them. During our sound bath on Sunday, there was a sound that was a call to action, and I pictured myself walking down that path filled with abundant light and warmth and that those bugs were there, but they were on the sidelines. If I looked to the right or the left and took my site off my progress down my path, I could be distracted and hurt by those bugs or even scared. So I need to remind myself to keep my eye on my path forward. My path is full of light and abundance and my goal is that soft, sacred place for my family and for myself.
Most of our activities got us out of our comfort zone and had the potential to make us feel silly, but instead made us all cry. We did an activity where we babbled to each other, and while we started off giggling, we all ended up crying as we each babbled a blessing to each other. We learned how to tap as a way to reset our nervous systems when we are experiencing fight or flight emotions. We also partnered up for an activity where we took a step into the past and acknowledged the progress that we’ve made. We talked to our past self with kindness and compassion. I was very hesitant to take a step back into my past. But my partner held space for me and helped me feel safe. As I walked forward into the future, I felt a great sense of relief and rejuvenation. Becca was my partner and she asked to share a thought with me. She said I have been in a season of harvest and gathering for a long time and now it’s time to separate the wheat from the tares and create something warm and nourishing from my harvest for my family and myself.
I wrote in my journal that it’s sad that I’ve wasted so much time and energy on relationships that stopped serving me. They have drained me and sucked me dry to the point of exhaustion. I’ve tried to make myself small and dim my light and response to my hurt feelings of rejection. I may not have ever really been rejected, although if I was, is that the worst thing? Move on, Chan. Am I showing up as a daughter of God when I’m scared and hiding? No! Then I made a list of people at church that I feel safe connecting with hugging and talking to. This seems small and silly but by small and simple things great things come to pass. I am tired of hiding my light and it gives me great pleasure and relief to identify people at church that I can share my light with and know that I won’t be hurt by them. I felt that God wants me to know that the people in my life that aren’t serving me don’t matter and I don’t need to try anymore to connect with them. I’m not going to make that problem go away by moving, that won’t solve this problem. But it is possible to find myself again and live in an even greater light in my current circumstances.
There are people who need my light and keeping it safe from a few people is hiding it from everyone.
On Saturday afternoon, we decided to go out on the boat and play on the water. I was happy to go on the boat and not get in the water but the girls I was with encouraged me to try. And when Becca‘s husband, who was driving the boat, said he would 100% guarantee that I would get up on the wake surfboard, I decided to give it a try. I was doing it more to please them than for myself, to be honest. But after five or six tries, I got up! With their help and encouragement and coaching, it was easy! At that moment, I realized that I could step out of my comfort zone and trust in the relationships around me that serve me and abide in a more abundant life. It’s time to stop hiding my light! It was a wonderful experience. We ended that afternoon with sitting in the hot tub, relaxing in the sauna, and taking a refreshing steam shower. We had a delicious dinner outside and took the boat out again at sunset to share testimonies with each other about the day’s experiences.
Late that night, I got a text from Parker that our dear prophet, President Russell M Nelson passed away. He was 101 years old and such an amazing and transformative profit for our day. Sunday morning we had a sunrise worship service together, and we shared loving memories and profound insight from President Nelson. I love how he simplified the gospel and made it make sense. He will be greatly missed, but I am grateful that his words will live on.
We ended the retreat with a nature walk where I was able to go out alone and walk along the lake and pick up a rock to give all of my negative energy, thoughts, and feelings too, and throw it in the water with a big splash. I then found a tiny, beautiful purple flower And promised to be resilient and grow and create a beautiful peaceful place for my family and myself from here on out. We then enjoyed a beautiful sound bath that really spoke to our souls and aligned all of our hearts together.
It was hard to pack up and say goodbye to everybody. The weekend was so incredible! I cannot wait for the next retreat because I know that the things that I experience and learn, make me a better person and help me understand what God wants from me and who he created me to be. The last couple of months were chaotic and busy and full of monumental family events, and I felt myself getting lost in it all.. But this retreat really reset me and I’m happy to go home with a renewed sense of peace and abundance.
Tanner picked me up from the airport with flowers in hand. It’s good to be home.
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