Friends: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

I've been struggling with my friendships and feeling like they aren't serving me in a way that is beneficial to me anymore. I'm sad. Tanner has also not been the best support to me so I thank my lucky stars every day for my awesome kiddos. But when Erika invited us all to 15th Street in Newport, I decided that would be a good opportunity to finally hang out after weeks of awkward texting experiences. I'd been there 30 minutes before the political lambasting started and I felt so sad. I whipped out my phone and tried to check out of the conversation, but it really put me in a funk. Parker had fun body boarding with the big kids, though, and Ella loved playing with Sloane. I really do LOVE my friends so much. I wish we didn't have to bring up controversial issues every single time we are together.

So, it was a breath of fresh air the next day when I was able to spend some quality time with my first friend, Jana! I picked her up and we headed to Laguna for brunch at Ruby's and some shopping. She indulged me and I shopped for some things for Parker's birthday and maybe a few things for myself. We also walked up to the toe ring shop and spoiled ourselves with new toe rings. I loved chatting with her and catching up on life. She is moving up to Washington in a few week so I'm so glad I got to see her!!!! I love friends that have been there for me for over 37 years.

That night I hosted Bunco which I love and I was so looking forward to. I made a little homemade "all purpose" spray and a cute little succulent with a clean white towel for my prizes and tried to have healthy, yummy food. I didn't take any pictures because the night got awkward again when Erika started going off on vaccines. My heart started to pound and I felt so offended that she would bring up how evil the covid vaccine is knowing full well that we are vaccinated. She is really starting to bother me so I'm trying really hard to pray for love for her and for the strength to not care about what she says. Other than that, Bunco was super fun. Tanner worked until 10pm so I had to get the kids bathed and in bed while I was hosting but because my kids and the world's greatest of all time, they made it so easy. People kept asking me if they were even home because they stayed so quiet and totally respected the fact that I was having a party downstairs and never once disturbed me. And all of this without bribing. They are just straight up world's best kids.

Speaking of which, when I picked up Rayleigh the other day, she had a yellow note in her hand and my heart dropped. Oh no, what happened this time? But it was a full on love note from her teacher and I cried all the way home. Rayleigh is killing it at school and I'm so proud of her. She is blossoming into the most beautiful young lady- inside and out! Jack is doing amazingly at school, too! I love that they are doing so well and love school. There is nothing that makes a mama heart swell more than seeing your children happy and succeeding at life.

On Friday, Josi came over and the boys swam and played. I made pizza and lasagna and we had a blast being together. I'm so thankful she made the effort to come out and see me!

Thursday I made a couple's massage appointment per Tanner's request and he ghosted me so I went alone (and it was glorious). Friday, he came home and spent hours outside on the phone and everyone was asleep when he finally came inside. Sunday, he slept in until 11 and was late to church and then we got in a huge fight in front of the kids while we were getting lunch ready for the missionaries. They came to dinner and it was literally the most awkward dinner of all time ever. Tanner was being so weird and I was full on acting- pulling out all my 8th grade drama class skills so that the missionaries wouldn't know we were experiencing family discord.

I don't know man. Tanner is screwed up. He needs therapy or to work on skills to tone down his temper and maybe bring more peace into his life. He's driving a wedge. And it's fine that he works a million hours. WE are fine. But he is not. I feel badly for him but then I hit a wall when he takes his frustrations out on me. No thank you. I'm not a doormat for his unmet expectations. That being said, I know I've got to work on things, too. We had a good talk on Saturday while we were swimming and I was feeling really good and happy. But those times and few and far between. We need a better balance. And I'm telling you all of this to keep it real because I know we will read this when we are 75 years old and be like, "Oh ya! That was a wild time!" and maybe we'll laugh? Assuming our kids are not all in therapy because we yelled at each other over the pressure washer being left out in the backyard. (Thank you, Rayleigh, for trying to end the fight by putting it away all by yourself) 

World's greatest kids, the end.

After I talked to Jana, she reminded me of this guy "Tim" who I dated a little bit freshman year at BYU while I was living with Carole. I looked him up and found this picture he was tagged in, and there I am on his back! Middle on the top! ha ha